Corney Park

The Cutlass Supreme lurched to a stop as the five of us leapt from the car singing the Ideal Fashions theme of Hammonton, NJ. “If you’ve got a passion for fashion….and you’ve got a craving for saving…” Suddenly, Raven cackled loudly screaming out lines as the Wicked Witch from the Wizard of Oz at unsuspecting small children. One child bellowed a deep wicked laugh, obviously appreciating Raven’s marvelous talents. Another 8 year old ish girl dressed in a pink jumpsuit screamed loudly for her Mommy then ran crying in the general direction of Corney Park. Chuck, Craig, John Raven & I finally made it for the day with a water park and amusement ride all day ticket. We started at the Wild Water Kingdom, which included a tampon floating in the over chlorinated, filthy water. Handfuls of loud, abrasive children screamed obscenities at us as we pushed our way past the atrocities we saw. I hurried us along by announcing a “medical emergency” just to part the Red Seas and get us past the horrible brood. Craig immediately started reciting lines from The Poseidon Adventure like, “Climb the Christmas Tree!” and John replied in his best Belle Rosen voice, “I’m a skinny Lady under water.” After nearly punching a beastly housewife who got a little too close to our fun little game, we exited the water park, changed clothes and headed toward the rides. There was a Tina Turner mimic singing, “rolling on the river” on stage as we passed an open air performance space and we all cheered encouragement. We had fun on the bumper cars doing our best to clog up the roadway by creating “traffic jams” that other drivers could not pass. Finally, we approached to the piece de resistance of all the amusement rides, The Whip. This was a mechanical beast built in the 1920’s, all steel and wooden structures in an oval shape. It was a series of cars one would sit in and, as each car made it’s way to turn the corner, the car would be spun around the bend at a slightly faster rate. This contraption was nothing like the modern Pirate Ship rides or even the Scrambler which could make one’s stomach sick. This was an easy going Whip that even Grandmother could enjoy comfortably. Which made Raven’s next move all the more wicked. She courteously assisted the little Old Lady out of the car as she & I took our place inside. The ride began to move and we prepared for a delightful three minute excursion. As we neared the turning section of The Whip, Raven let out a piercing scream of faux fright that must have been heard two towns over in Bethlehem! She spent each leg of the ride calming herself until that Whip turn came again and she would emit an even louder blood curdling shriek! Barrels of laughter followed by Chuck, John, Craig and I and a few ride watchers showed concern for the fraught woman. This continued throughout the hysterical three minutes as each turn of The Whip bore an even more exaggerated screech from Raven. As we made our way down to the flying saucer ride, Raven paused for a moment let out a few dog barks, just to say hello to a poodle passing by. No one can say we didn’t have fun!