“Total Eclipse of The Heart”

Just at the edge of 17 years old, I began to come to terms with my sexuality. I had graduated college in June, and, as if somehow perceiving a need for alone time, My Father asked if I’d like to house sit an old junker home in Marmora, NJ, just on the main land from Ocean City. I got a crap job at McDonald’s on 9th St and moved in for the summer, anticipating my freshman year of college. Lucky for me, a dear high school friend lived in Ocean City and took me under his wing. Rus really made me laugh, which was the medicine I utilized to ease the pain of accepting an alternative lifestyle. Rus was like a big brother to me, and, with his job at Gino’s Hamburgers on the boardwalk, we had competing crap jobs to laugh about! Many a night was spent staring into the ocean on moonlit nights, contemplating our futures. Will I fall in love?
Will my parents accept me? Will I be happy?
There was no underestimating the level of anxiety I experienced preparing for the day I would finally admit to the world I was gay. The fear was palpable. “Total Eclipse of The Heart” was all over the radio and hit #1 just as the summer ended, as if to warn me of the perils that await….. Through the numerous anxious, tearful nights, I held on to the hopes of the future and prayed for an answer that would guide me through the darkness…
Turnaround bright eyes, but every now and then I fall apart
And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight
We’ll be holding on forever