Back around Christmas 2000, the world seemed so different. There was no Homeland Security, Madonna was on top of the charts, and Center City was still on its way back from the desolation of the 80’s. I got a bangin’ apartment at 12th and Walnut dirt cheap—two bedrooms for $750! You can’t find that anymore in Center City. My friend from Finland, Mikko, was between jobs and came to visit for three months. He used to love leaning out the window smoking his ciggies and watching the gays go by. Saturday nights always provided the best show since Woody’s was just a half block away. One snowy, icy night close to Christmas, two queens rolled out of Woody’s in the midst of a nasty fight. Drunken screeches could be heard all the way down Walnut Street. “I was not! I was not cruising him and you know it! Stop yelling at me!” “Well, even it you weren’t flirting with that guy, you are too drunk to drive. Give me the keys!” “I’m too drunk?? You’re too drunk too!” A slap fight ensued and finally one queen declared, “fine! no one’s gonna drive,” and chucked the guy’s keys as far as he could into the snow. After they finally hailed a cab and moved on, all Mikko could say was, “well, that was quite a lovely performance! I see that in America there is a Santa Claus!” We had a nice laugh. Good times!